Great start to the day today. After not sleeping at all through Thursday, and finally getting to sleep around 3am last night, I get woken up at 9:30am to be told that Scott’s grandmother has died and the funeral is at 10am.

Mad dash through the shower and off out the door to attend the funeral. But I made it before 10 and I have to say I’m very glad I attended.

I had a whole heap I was going to put here and say about her, but I’m not really sure how to. :-/ Its hard. She was always An-an. Nana. She was always there when we were kids doing something silly at Scott’s place. She always had a view on something. She was quick to laugh and just as quick to admonish you for being stupid or silly or just pissing her off. But as fast as she’d tell you off, she’d be back laughing again.

Its hard to really do any justice to just what I’m feeling. In the past 2 or 3 years, Scott and I have kind of drifted our own separate ways. We still keep in touch, now and then. But as a kid growing up, his family was my family, and my family was his. His mother and father were always Mum and Dad. Just as mine were for him. His grandmother was more Nana to me than my own Nana.

There were times I’d show up at his folks place to see Scott, and he’d not be there. But if she was outside, Nana would always stop and have a chat. Never about much, but always about something. She knew me, like Scott’s parents, she’d seen me grow through my teen years into an adult and she was always interested to hear about how I was doing, what I was doing and so on.

It will be weird going to Scott’s parents place and Nana not being there. There’s not much reason for me to visit there now days but all the same…

Life goes on. It happens every day. Death is never easy for anyone. I’m not really entirely sure why I’m feeling so emotional about it when I’ve not been as much a part of the family as I used to be for quite a while now. I guess some people just touch our lives in many, many small ways. All those many small ways eventually add up over the course of our lives.

Death has never been an issue for me. I’ve not feared death or even resented death. But this time… I almost feel as I did when my own Grandparents died. That is very strange to me. Its not often that I let any sort of emotion claim me. I try to keep myself as stoic as possible. Its really weird not being able to control the emotions right now. Even when Philip and Robin’s father died I was able to feel pretty much nothing. I….

I gotta stop. I need some geeky stuff to take my mind off this or I’m gonna lose my day to it. I think I’m gonna go find out what Google has done in the past 5 weeks since I last had a chance to just sit at the computer and vege out.