Tonight has been an absolute emotional rollercoaster. One of the hardest nights I’ve had to face in a long time outside of my own depression.

I’m frightened for her because I know what she’s facing and I’ve been there many times before myself. Its the hardest thing in the world to find a reason to hold on, and even harder still to try to convince someone at that point to do so. I know the problem hasn’t been resolved, and I know I can’t stop her feeling that low, but at least I know that feeling and at least she trusted me enough to talk.

Given that I myself am still in very much close to the same state I was last week, I’m going to just keep to myself for a while longer. I’m sorry guys. Yes, I really would like to go out for a coffee sometime soon, but right now I’m not in any state to be able to do so at all. Give me a little while longer please.

Tonight was good for me in a way. I think tonight was truly the first time I actually felt and understood what it is like to be on the other side of that level of depression. I’ve put so many others through it, but I don’t think I’ve ever really understood what they must have felt until tonight.

I’m still scared. I’m hoping she does keep her promise to talk with me later. Its hardest to think about the ‘what ifs’.

I can’t really go on right now. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and I really need to get some sleep. This has been one of the hardest nights of my life. Strange thing is, I would willingly go through it again, just in the hopes of maybe making even the smallest of differences. A lot of people probably wouldn’t understand that, but I guess you have to have been that low yourself to truly understand.

Please girl… Be there when I wake up.